- The Positive Vibe Club
- Posts
- How to spot if your friend isnt really...
How to spot if your friend isnt really...
listening to what you have to say.
Rob Blades
August 11, 2024
I was having a conversation with a friend that other day at a coffee shop… sharing a story with them, that was important to me.
But the person you’re talking to is glancing at their phone, nodding absentmindedly, and occasionally muttering “uh-huh.”
It started to make me feel…
Frustrated, and unheard.
The thing is…
It’s a common scenario, highlighting a harsh truth: many people are more focused on their own thoughts and interests than on truly listening to others.
In this email, I want to talk about self-interest and how active listening is crucial to building relationships that not only last but prosper.
The thing is, most people, even with the best intentions, struggle with active listening
Because they are sooooo preoccupied with their own thoughts and agendas.
Active listening isn’t just hearing the words someone is saying…
It’s about fully engaging with the speaker, understanding their message, and responding thoughtfully.
It means setting aside your own needs and focusing entirely on the person in front of you.
So let’s get into how to do just that and how it might just change your future relationships from a one-way street… to a bustling engaged two-way street of growth and abundance.
In Today’s 4-3-2-1:
4 prompts :1 about your past, 2 about present and now, 1 about your future.
3 questions to spark creativity in a world that doesn’t encourage it.
2 affirmations for the week.
1 tool to help with today’s topic.
"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply."
4 Journal Prompts:
Reflect on a past moment:
Prompt: when you knew you weren’t fully paying attention to the conversation you were having..
Example: Think back to a time when you were passively listening to someone as you just had too much on your plate. How does that make you feel?
Evaluate a Recent Conversation:
Prompt: Consider a recent conversation where you were either a great listener or failed to listen actively. What was the outcome, and what could you learn from it?
Example: Recall a recent talk with a friend where you were fully attentive. How did it affect your relationship?
Current Habits Analysis:
Prompt: Identify your current habits in conversations. Do you find yourself interrupting or thinking about your response while others are talking? How can you improve?
Example: Notice if you often cut people off. Challenge yourself to pause and ensure the other person feels heard before you respond.
Future Commitment:
Prompt: Set a goal for future interactions. How will you ensure you practice active listening consistently?
Example: Commit to turning off your phone and making eye contact during conversations for the next month to build better listening habits.
3 Questions to Unleash Creativity:
Role Reversal:
Example: Imagine yourself in the speaker's shoes. How would you want to be listened to? This perspective shift can enhance your empathy and listening skills.
Mindfulness Practices:
Example: Incorporate mindfulness exercises such as deep breathing or meditation to stay present. Practicing mindfulness can help you remain focused during conversations.
Creative Note-Taking:
Example: Use a notebook or an app to jot down key points during conversations. This can help you stay engaged and remember important details.
2 Affirmations:
For Self-Interest:
"I value the perspectives of others and strive to understand their experiences."
For Active Listening:
"I am fully present and engaged in every conversation, valuing the speaker’s words."
1 Tool to help:
The 5-Second Rule (silence is so powerful)
When someone finishes speaking, count to five before responding.
This pause helps you process what was said and shows that you’re considering their words thoughtfully.
Stay Unapologetically You, Actively listen, And Be Kind.
Robbo ‘The PVC Chief’ Blades